Sunday, September 18, 2011

Dear UConn

Dear UConn,

I hear that you are desperate to join Boston College in the ACC.  The past 48 hours must have been very difficult for you.  You've gone from the comfort of a terrible conference in which you lucked into a BCS bowl game to de facto free agency status faster than you can say John Rowland.  Syracuse and Pitt stabbed you in the back so hard you have whiplash, and now you want your former Big East brethren to throw you a life raft.

Why we would want to form a four-team pod with you, 'Cuse, and Pitt is beyond me because we hated playing you guys so much the first time around that we left the conference for the likes of FSU and Georgia Tech.  And when we finally did leave you (let's face it, our relationship wasn't working out), you acted like a jealous teenage girl, hauling us into court with a frivolous lawsuit.  Your last head coach hated you so much that he would rather rebuild Maryland, a perennial ACC bottom-dweller, than try to go to another BCS bowl with you.  But we're willing to overlook that, and the fact that you have a paltry 58 ranking in U.S. News, and the fact that you accept more students than you deny, and the fact that our endowment crushes yours, AND the fact that your basketball program is full of cheaters, AND the fact that you were originally an agriculture school if you do one simple thing...

Dig up Richard Blumenthal from the floor of the U.S. Senate and bring him to BC.  There, in St. Mary's chapel and in front of the entire Jesuit community, he may grovel for forgiveness at the feet of Father Leahy, who may choose to forgive him for wasting BC students' tuition dollars.  He will be given the honor of kissing Father Leahy's ring.  Dress code will be sackcloth.  This will also be taped and aired on rerun 24/7 on BCTV.

Once he returns to the U.S. Senate, baby Baldwin will be allowed to follow him around creepily for the next year, so as to remind everyone of the disastrous consequences of suing BC for political points.  This includes the floor of the U.S. Senate.  Imagine him trying to make a serious policy speech on C-Span with the inflatable baby Baldwin three inches behind him...

Also, we're trading you Spaz for your kicker straight up.  Deal with it.

21 comments:

  1. Fantastic. Greatest blog post of all time?

    So lets think of other ways make UCONN beg for ACC acceptance:
    1. Send them bushels of corn to remind them they would be playing Iowa State/Kansas State for conference games in the new Big East/12/Leftover conference
    2. Have them state publicly that they never made a real BCS game
    3. Have them state publicly they left Hockey East because they realized they could never compete with Jerry York
    4. Have them state publicly that Jim Calhoun has no standards
    5. Have them state publicly that they really don't care about women's basketball

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  2. hahaha I love the second one. Also, I tried really hard to work Jim Calhoun into that letter but couldn't think of anything better than forcing him to run the Zamboni during hockey games.

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  3. Mike, Zamboni's are a privilege, not punishment.

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  4. Erik brings up a good point about Zambonis. Perhaps we could force Calhoun to replace the second Zamboni driver - the one who's not Paul. Guy couldn't get cheers if his life depended on it. There has to be some shame in that.

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  5. As a UConn fan, I can't wait to return to the good ol' days of destroying Boston College in everything.

    Losing to Duke in football...well that's sad and embarassing. But losing to us in football? Oh that'll be glorious.

    Remember when Conte Forum was 90% UConn fans? Ahh those were good times. Won't it be more fun to get your ass kicked again by Pitt, Syracuse and UConn?? It'll be just like the Big East days. What's the fun in travelling all the way to North Carolina to lose by 30 when you can do that and drive home the same night!

    On the plus side...at least you still have hockey.

    I think you and other BC fans should admit WHY you don't want UConn in the ACC....you would return to your previous state as New England's second banana. I mean, you are now but at least the ACC held you guys up as something more than you were.

    PS - Duke? At home? The team that lost to Richmond at home? Ouch.

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  6. Wait..wait..

    Isn't BC undefeated against UConn in football? So, let me get this straight...UConn can't even beat a team who lost to Duke who lost to Richmond...at home?! What a joke of a program.

    Destroying BC at everything? So what did you do with your rejection letter from BC? Frame it? Burn it? Rejection hurts, and it's happening again.

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  7. Sean, you seem to be assuming UConn WILL make it into the ACC. More likely, you'll find yourself on the outside looking in after the Big East falls apart, so good luck in the A-10 or America East conference - those games against BU and/or Temple are gonna be HUGE!

    Oh, and congrats on your football team beating Fordham (your only win this year so far). That's a big W - there must have been rioting on campus!

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  8. Really guys? Beating UConn in 2004 is the best you can do?

    UConn BCS games - 1
    BC BCS games - 0

    I think you guys have been doing the football thing a little longer, eh? You know if you guys were actually good at sports....the ACC wouldn't need to add more teams to secure the northeast....they already would have secured it. Just admit you guys don't want UConn kicking your ass again. It's okay...the first step is acceptance. Or is that after denial?

    But, yeah, you guys won a football game in 2004! WOO WOO WOO!

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  9. If Uconn joins the ACC, why as BC fans do you think your school is going to get anything out of it? You better hope Uconn doesn't get accepted, because then you'll have to face the harsh reality that your conference doesn't care about you at all. Welcome to the "money is more important than your school" mentality in collegiate sports. But you should be well acquainted with that. BC's one of the major schools to help create that monster. Your school is about to get slapped in the face with this realization.

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  10. You guys realize Syracuse has been in the league for a day and they already have more pull than you?

    UConn is joining you because Syracuse wants us to come along.

    I don't know why you guys are fighting it! You used to get beat up by schools that were so far away. Now, your old rivals get to beat you up again. Let's party like it's 1999!

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  11. "So what did you do with your rejection letter from BC? Frame it? Burn it? Rejection hurts, and it's happening again."

    LOL, I grew up in Connecticut but I didn't go to UConn. No one does that. I went to a real school.

    I was accepted into Notre Dame...so I didn't have to apply to Boston College. SAFETY SCHOOL.

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  12. "paltry 58 ranking in U.S. News"

    You know that's better than Syracuse & Pitt, right?

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  13. http://www.southernpigskin.com/acc/view/boston-college-the-accs-biggest-mistake

    "Boston College: the ACC’s biggest mistake?"

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  14. Sean,

    I find it interesting that you are trolling (like the troll that you are) the BC message boards as a UConn fan, but yet you write as if BC is insignificant. I realize that there are probably no UConn message boards because less that 1% of UConn grads can read or write, but don't you have better things to do? Shouldn't you and your friends be planning your road trip to Temple to watch your team in conference play in a few years? I hear Philly is nice!

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  15. Anonymous, you realize for every anti-BC link out there, there are at least 5 times as many anti-UConn ones?

    http://bleacherreport.com/articles/535278-ncaa-football-uconn-bid-truly-exposes-bcs

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  16. For BC's sake, I hope UConn doesn't get accepted in the ACC. Clearly, BC doesn't have the mentality to handle it. All their students are already having a temper tantrum and nothing has even happened yet... absolutely amazing.

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  17. Sean, no need to worry.

    Your sorry excuse of a state school won't get an invite.

    UWV will also leave, and certainly TCU will once again find greener pastures.

    The Big East auto-bid will be removed, and whatever is left of the BigEast will merge with Conference USA.

    Enjoy losing to ECU and Houston every year, bub.

    K
    THX
    BAI

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  18. All of these UConn fans are upset they are left out of the party but I've yet to hear a good argument on what value they add to the ACC?

    In a monetary sense, there is almost no value as they don't have a market worth anything.

    In terms of athletic value, your football program is even in worse yet and as its been pointed out, your basketball program is headed back to mediocrity once Calhoun kicks the bucket and/or the NCAA has had enough of him. Though to be fair to UConn, they do have a killer women's basketball team - I mean I can't understand why the ACC isn't jumping all over that.

    So tell me again why your upset the ACC wanted your rivals and not you?

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  19. "UConn BCS games - 1
    BC BCS games - 0

    I think you guys have been doing the football thing a little longer, eh?"

    ---

    This "BCS games" metric is absurd. We have an undefeated season and won an Orange Bowl with one of the greatest sports highlights of all time.

    Enough of this nonsense. If BC has to go 1-11 this year to clean house, so be it. But at least our football program has a future... and a past.

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  20. I'm not sure what a diploma from BC, ranked 31, provides that a diploma from UConn, ranked 58, does not when there are over 2,600 accredited colleges and universities in the US. Since BC is much more expensive, I hope BC grads receive more than arrogance and monthly student loan bills.

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