Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Better Things to Watch at Alumni Than Spaz-ball

The state of the BC football team is so bad that I can no longer say that they play football.  Instead, I'm going to start referring to it as Spaz-ball.  Anyway, here are ten things we can do at Alumni that would be more entertaining than Spaz-ball.

  1. Track:  When we built Alumni, who was like "oh we don't need a track around the football field?"  If BC doesn't want to take the time and money to put in a track on campus, that's fine, but why not piggyback one around the football field?  Would I rather watch a track meet than Spaz-ball?  Yes.  I don't know how good our track team is, but they can't be worse relative to their sport than the Spaz-ball team.
  2. Rugby Field:  Why is rugby relegated to the Brighton campus?  I think I could really get into rugby if I watched more games, and I used to go over once or twice a year as an undergrad.  It basically looks a lot like football, except without pads.  And I bet if you added LK, Divitto, and KPL to the team, we'd be up there with the California schools.  On second thought, I bet Quigley would be good too because there is some kicking.  
  3. Squirrel Racing:  Spaz-ball has become so uninspiring that squirrel watching was LITERALLY more interesting than the game on the field Saturday.  A squirrel showed up in the north end zone early in the first quarter, causing a stir among fans.  It then mysteriously reappeared, running down the east sideline and into the south end zone during the third quarter, darn near causing a riot as Superfans cheered like we were watch '07 Matt Ryan.  Of course, this resulted in a ton of snarky twitter comments about how the squirrel found the end zone more than the football team.  So let's just capture all the squirrels each week that wander onto campus, and race them two by two in a single elimination bracket. Since there's no way to point shave in a foot race, betting will be allowed.
  4. Cricket:  Okay I really got into cricket while working in Italy this summer so forgive me here, but I really think we could kill two birds with one stone.  Eliminate the football team to make room on Alumni, and then eliminate the baseball team and turn them into cricket players.  Frankly, they couldn't be any worse than they already are (I know, I know, we're rebuilding, but I'm very cynical about that excuse right now).  If you can't hit the ball on the fly, maybe you can hit it on a bounce? 
  5. Video Stadium:  Put in a bigger jumbo traun, maybe at mid-field, and turn on the Clemson game every week so that BC fans can see a winning ACC team (okay that was a cheap shot). 
  6. Parkour:  Parkour is relatively new to the BC campus, but the guys who do this are incredible.  Basically they run up walls and perform acrobatics on stuff around campus.  To quote wikipedia, "Parkour is a method of movement focused on moving around obstacles with speed and efficiency."  Ever play Assassin's Creed?  Yeah, those moves were largely derived from parkour.  Set up elaborate obstacle courses on Alumni, and challenge other schools to 11 on 11 battles.  Race one on one and the first team to six victories wins.  I would definitely show up for that.
  7. Stickball:  Big in the Bronx, should be big at BC.  Scrap the field, throw on some blacktop, and get down to some serious floor bonding.  The game is a ton of fun to play and there's nothing more satisfying than slamming that annoying little ball.
  8. Extreme Fencing Arena:  The fencing team gets no respect on campus.  That would change if I had my way here.  Take the fencing team, put them in Alumni, and then change the sport to an all out 10 on 10 brawl.  Each team starts in an end zone, and then comes onto the field with the opening gun.  You get hit in the torso, you're out.  Last team with men (or women) standing wins.
  9. Ice Hockey Rink: This really wouldn't replace the football team in September, but by mid-November I would definitely be up for watching an outdoor hockey game.  I honestly think we could get a good crowd out there to see Jerry York's boys tune up Boston University.  Frankly, I don't know why we haven't done this yet, given the fact that we've already played at Fenway.  Michigan and Michigan State did it in the Big House just last year.
  10. Coed Sailing Pond: My personal favorite.  Think about flooding Alumni Colosseum-style for the Coed sailing team.  These guys and girls are winners but I'm not traveling down to the Charles or wherever to see them compete.  Bring them to campus so that everyone can check them out.  Plus, we're getting to the point where we need new turf anyway and this way when the pond freezes over in the winter you have that ice hockey rink ready to go. 


  1. As snarky as this post is, I'm now intrigued by the possibility of an outdoor hockey game in Chestnut Hill...

  2. The co-ed sailing is definitely the best idea. Not only would it be a more convenient way to watch BC's most consistent #1 team, the swirling winds inside a stadium would make it incredibly challenging.


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